Forgiveness: Apology Letter to Myself for Ignoring my Mental Health

Hey Royalty!

It’s been awhile. I have missed you and I surely hope that you have missed me. Life can get the best of us and it surely has gotten the best of me. Before I am a therapist, I am human. I lose motivation. I go through things. I grow weary. All which has occurred over the last 3 months.

So back in May, in the Self-Care Calendar, there was an activity in which we were to write a letter of forgiveness to ourselves. As I encourage you all to engage in self-care activities, I do my best to participate in them as well. While in that space, I sought counseling, I explored Reiki and yoga and I began working out again. I also took my own advice, such as writing a letter of forgiveness. Writing this letter allowed me to recognize the beauty in being vulnerable with myself and it is my hope that in sharing it, it will relate to you and help you to recognize that you are an amazing being whose flaws allow you to heal, grow and connect with others in this world.

Dear Chalice,

I have found myself in this dark space, yet it does not mean that I have to remain stuck. For me to return to a place of peace and solitude, I must forgive. Forgive myself for overexertion in pursuant to my dreams, career, relationships. For I have placed success in every aspect of my life before me. I have not cared for myself in efforts to meet goals. Some I cannot accomplish on my own, although I try.

Such has manifested into anger because I feel alone. And to some extent I must admit that I created that. I have not allowed myself to be loved, in fear of rejection. In fear that allowing others in will result in an increase of giving what I have already exhausted.

But how can you receive the love and support you desire if you don’t try to let anyone in?

So I forgive myself for living in fear. For such fear to spark a feeling of inadequacy. That in feeling inadequate, I became vulnerable to activities, people and things that did not foster my growth. That I became quiet about the issues that matter most. That I sat in chaos without making any effort to change because I was exhausted. For seeing all the warning signs and choosing to ignore them.

I forgive myself for trying to be so “strong” that in fact I demonstrated weakness. For succumbing to all things I said I never would and allowing it to define who I am.

But today, TODAY is a new day! For letting go of this anger towards myself grants me the opportunity to start anew. To feel refreshed. To relieve myself of the guilt I feel. To live life on my own terms.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

Me

 


**I’d love to read you letters of forgiveness to yourselves. Please send them to me! As always, together we are healing <3 **

 

5 Times Television has Made us Confused About Therapy

Hello Royalty! Happy New Year! As many of you experienced yourselves, closing out 2017 took some patience, reevaluation and determination. Thankfully we all made it!

If you have subscribed to my monthly e-mails (and if you haven’t, let’s get you started now), you know that it’s #nogoalsjanuary! I like to take January to rest, truly give myself the time to just be, get back into the groove of things and set a concrete plan that I can accomplish in the new year. In doing such, I’ve been watching lots of television, catching up on my favorite shows and preparing for the winter premieres. While I watch many of these shows, I’m excited to see writers and creators incorporate mental health and at the same time I grit my teeth thinking “WHAT IS HE (or she) DOING?!?! So for you guys, I’ve created a list of 5 times I’ve had to clutch my pearls and say “I hope no one believes this is real!”

5. How to Get Away With Murder

Photo by ABC Televison

So if you didn’t already know, How to Get Away With Murder teaches all us all the DON’TS of therapy. Between letting Bonnie know about his therapeutic relationship with Annalise, not referring her to another therapist after he recognized how his similar loss of a child impacted his ability to provide her with the care she needs and did we mention that his ex-wife sifted through records, found Annalise’s information and reached out to warm her? Dr. Isaac Roa probably needs his license revoked!

4. 13 Reasons Why

Photo by Netflix

I think that all of us who watched that final episode cringed during the last meeting between Hannah and Mr. Porter. Mr. Porter missed the signs on the wall. As Hannah cried out for help, he was reluctant to take her concerns seriously and let her leave without following up with Hannah or her parents regarding her safety. Hopefully in Season 2, we’ll get to see how Mr. Porter attempts to justify his negligence.

3. Love and Hip Hop Atlanta

Photo via VH1

Let me take you all back a minute to 2012 when Stevie J thought it would be a good idea to have Joseline join in on his couples therapy session with Mimi. After he caught the beat down, I hope he recognized otherwise, however, when therapists are aware of triggers that could cause conflict, it is their responsibility to prevent crisis from occurring.

2. She’s Gotta Have It

Photo by Netflix

While many have something to say about Ms. Nola Darling, I’m hear to read Dr. Jameison. She broke too many boundaries. First off, whenever someone comes in for therapy, payment expectations are to be discussed during the first session. Dependent upon on Dr. Jameison’s credentialing board and  code of ethics, bartering may or may not be allowed, yet with her slip about being broke proved that she was not comfortable with the situation. And can we also talk about her showing up to Nola’s art exhibit? While often times clients like to have their therapist’s support in such situations, it’s important for the therapist to set healthy boundaries with clients and remind them of their role.

  1. Blackish
Photo by ABC Television

Blackish has to be one of my favorite shows! My favorite episode was when Bow shared of her challenges with Postpartum Depression and Black women finally saw someone who looked like them who they could relate to in regard to child rearing and its challenges. When Dre and Bow went to see a therapist, the therapist was little slick at the mouth. While funny, it definitely violated their right to seek treatment without feeling demeaned or disrespected.

So while it’s important to recognize that this is television and many of these situations are for entertainment, when it comes to your mental health, ensure that you are aware of your rights as a client, share your expectations with your therapist and when challenges arise, let your therapist know!