It’s been awhile. I have missed you and I surely hope that you have missed me. Life can get the best of us and it surely has gotten the best of me. Before I am a therapist, I am human. I lose motivation. I go through things. I grow weary. All which has occurred over the last 3 months.
So back in May, in the Self-Care Calendar, there was an activity in which we were to write a letter of forgiveness to ourselves. As I encourage you all to engage in self-care activities, I do my best to participate in them as well. While in that space, I sought counseling, I explored Reiki and yoga and I began working out again. I also took my own advice, such as writing a letter of forgiveness. Writing this letter allowed me to recognize the beauty in being vulnerable with myself and it is my hope that in sharing it, it will relate to you and help you to recognize that you are an amazing being whose flaws allow you to heal, grow and connect with others in this world.
I have found myself in this dark space, yet it does not mean that I have to remain stuck. For me to return to a place of peace and solitude, I must forgive. Forgive myself for overexertion in pursuant to my dreams, career, relationships. For I have placed success in every aspect of my life before me. I have not cared for myself in efforts to meet goals. Some I cannot accomplish on my own, although I try.
Such has manifested into anger because I feel alone. And to some extent I must admit that I created that. I have not allowed myself to be loved, in fear of rejection. In fear that allowing others in will result in an increase of giving what I have already exhausted.
But how can you receive the love and support you desire if you don’t try to let anyone in?
So I forgive myself for living in fear. For such fear to spark a feeling of inadequacy. That in feeling inadequate, I became vulnerable to activities, people and things that did not foster my growth. That I became quiet about the issues that matter most. That I sat in chaos without making any effort to change because I was exhausted. For seeing all the warning signs and choosing to ignore them.
I forgive myself for trying to be so “strong” that in fact I demonstrated weakness. For succumbing to all things I said I never would and allowing it to define who I am.
But today, TODAY is a new day! For letting go of this anger towards myself grants me the opportunity to start anew. To feel refreshed. To relieve myself of the guilt I feel. To live life on my own terms.
**I’d love to read you letters of forgiveness to yourselves. Please send them to me! As always, together we are healing <3 **